I grew up during the 80s in the age of Atari and Nintendo so I only risked rotting my brain. So thankfully (or regrettably) I missed out on the earlier era that had chemistry sets that allowed you to make gun power or military grade C4. Also I missed out on the toy guns and weapons that could take down low flying aircraft. It is actually amazing that the US did not suffer negative population growth after the 60s and 70s because most children should have been killed off due to mishaps with "Easy Bake Ovens" and "Lawn Darts". Maybe DARPA secretly had a deal with manufactures such as Mattel and Whammo for training children to fight the Soviets or maybe it was a huge Fascist social Darwin experiment.
The latest Mattel recall of nine million Lead (chemical symbol Pb for all you non-chemists) based toys has started me thinking about the various deathtraps passed off as children's toys during my parents era. I really don't see what the big deal is. So what if Lead causes nephropathy and dementia. Nietzsche once said, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." Of course he suffered from dementia and later died of pneumonia but hey you can't win 'em all. Lead really can't be any worse than what was found in "Shrinky Dinks" or "Super Elastic Bubble Plastic" right? Also weren't Tonka Trucks just big blocks of Lead with wheels? People are over-reacting to this latest Pb based toy scare. Hell, its not like our government and corporations are exposing us to something really dangerous like Mercury or something. Those of us with kids should just calm down, grab a nice plate of salmon or tuna and watch the little ones play with their "Silly Pants Elmo" and "Ernie Lightup Musical Pal". Why is it that the Ernie toys are chocked full of Lead but the Bert toys are Pb-free? Aren't they supposedly a couple ... of guys living together?
Let's save our outrage for when Mattel dips into their archives and re-releases the "Mattel Agent Zero M Sonic Blaster 5530". Because then we all will know that DARPA is at it again trying to training our youth to fight the new Commies - Al Qaeda.
Oh, if you haven't heard or seen the "Mattel Agent Zero M Sonic Blaster 5530" then you will be happy to know that the toy can emit a blast of compressed air that produces a 157dB sound wave capable of rupturing and causing permanent damage to the ear drums of adults and the kid using it. I attached a picture of a kid holding one. He is probably about to take down a flock of geese or maybe a twin engine Cessna.
And no that is not a joke or doctored picture. You can still buy this TMD (Toy of Mass Destruction), "Mint In Box", on Ebay for the Buy It Now Price of $2495.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Pb or Not Pb? That is the question.
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3 comments:
I also missed out on the good old days, don't forget about the Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab released in 1951. Kids do the darndest things, including, apparently, nuclear physics.
For a mere $49.50, the kit came complete with three “very low-level” radioactive sources, a Geiger-Mueller radiation counter, a Wilson Cloud Chamber (to see paths of alpha particles), a Spinthariscope (to see “live” radioactive disintegration), four samples of Uranium-bearing ores, and an Electroscope to measure radioactivity. No kidding.
The absolutely hilarious part about Mattel's recall is the write-up in the New York Times on July 26 of this year (yep, just a few short weeks ago) about how Mattel was getting it right in China by imposing strict regulations, etc. Oops, so much for investigative reporting. You can read about it at "http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/26/business/26toy.html?ei=5070&en=09f5cb3dcc03a0d7&ex=1187496000&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1187350308-sCz8D+DAaRI+SUcUhwkv7w" to see just how wrong they got it. I guess the lesson that should be learned from this (but of course won't) is that we can't expect a country that doesn't even care enough to keep its own native species from going extinct for the sake of making a buck (the Yangtze Dolphin, a species found only in China has just reportedly gone extinct) to care an iota about the safety of stupid toys sent to rich kids in some other country if it means that they can pocket some more cash (not to absolve Mattel of their responsiblity in this whole mess). I am not against globalization per se, but it is definitely a situation of buyer beware. If China doesn't mind poisoning its own people, why do we think that they would think twice about poisoning our kids? Want to protet your kids, buy American.
You can't blame Mattel or the Chinese manufacturer. Corporations are required by law to take care of themselves and their share holders. The corporate mandate of serving the public good went out the window shortly after the Civil War. Protecting the consumer is no longer more important than protecting the investor.
We don't build anything in our country anymore. Even Santa's sweatshop... eh ... I mean toyshop was probably relocated to a country with lax labor laws and regulation. Even if you could buy American it still wouldn't matter because no one of any importance here believes in regulation anymore. The only difference between a China and US based corp is that at least here you have some recourse if the company is negligent. However even that won't last the way laws are being written to benefit the corps. So buying American would not make a difference.
Mattel's QA should do a better job but if they did then it might hurt their short term profit margin. The funny thing is that it will cost Mattel a lot more money now to fix the problem since the product is already shipped. Thankfully though nobody got hurt this time unless you count Zhang Shuhong.
TMD! That is hilarious. And scary. Let's not forget other classics, such as Pretty Peggy Ear-Piercing Set, Mr. Skin-Grafter, General Tron's Secret Police Confession Kiet, and Doggie Dentist. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention the "Bag O" line, with Bag O'Glass, Bag O'Nails, Bag O'Bugs, Bag O'Vipers, and Bag O'Sulfuric Acid.
Haha, remember those from that old SNL skit with Dan Akroyd?
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