The roller-coaster that is our lives...

Hello all. Yeah, I know what you are thinking, "Three posts in one day? Why doesn't this girl get off of her butt and do some work?" Well, the truth is I don't feel like it, I am in too good a mood to spoil it with experiments and bench work that just haven't been cooperating recently. So why I am in such a good mood today? Well, to explain that I need to go back about three weeks. That was when Eric and I made the difficult decision that when we returned to the US in July, for Eric it was not going to be a visit, but rather a permanent move back to to the US while I would return to India at the end of July in order to complete the last year of my fellowship. This was a decision that was a long time in the making but the situation in Eric's group at Motorola was such that his return to the US seemed necessary in order for him to position himself in the company so that he had more flexibility than he has while he is in India. It is complicated and I don't even understand all of the intricacies but regardless of all of that, we decided that he would leave India permanently. This was a tremendously difficult decision for obvious reasons, who wants to spend a year away from their spouse, especially when your spouse is situated 5,000 miles and eleven and a half time zones away? But it was difficult for logistical reasons also, where would Eric live, would it be safe for me to continue to live in our apartment without Eric's presence, what would we do with the cats if I had to move, how would I manage to do everything that needs to be done without Eric's help, would Eric manage find something other than fast food or cereal for his meals, who would I bore to death with my endless chatter, would we see each other just once in the entire year, how do you file taxes in our situation, what about our finances, etc? But mostly, after more than 12 years together, how could we be apart? Most of you didn't know either Eric or me before we were a couple. We as a couple pre-date nearly all of our closest friends (except Eric's St. Mark's chums), Eric and I met just maybe a month after I met my closest friends from college. My oldest nieces and nephews are unaware that there was ever a time B.E. (before Eric). Our lives are so intertwined, it is difficult to imagine how they could ever be separated. I am sure any of you who have been in such a long relationship (and I am sure many of you have even longer marriages) would have difficulty imagining how you would be able to maintain two households in two different countries literally on opposite sides of the globe while retaining your sanity and any quality of life. The last three weeks have been both heart-breaking and scary as both of us started to get used to the idea of this separation and began to make arrangements to deal with the situation.

So why the good mood then? Well, yesterday Eric received word from his supervisor that it was fine for him to remain in India, at least for a while longer and he needn't plan on remaining in the States in July. When he shared this news with me last night I was just in a state of shock. Though it had only been 3 weeks since we made the decision for him to stay in the US, I had spent a lot of time imagining life without him here. We had made a number of arrangements to prepare for his departure, I had applied for alternate housing, had booked a single ticket for my return to India at the end of July, we had closed our joint savings account here in India, we had spoken to our landlord about Eric's departure, etc. And now everything has changed again, for the better of course, but I feel as if I am on a run-away roller-coaster, and I am blindfolded. The news is naturally great for me, there is no downside. But for Eric, who has sometimes struggled to find happiness in India, it is more of a mixed bag. On one hand he is happy that we won't have to be apart for the year and we don't have to make plans for his and my living arrangements but on the other he had already begun to imagine life back in the US. While I was fretting about how I could manage without him in India he was dreaming of Whoppers, fried chicken, orderly roads, quiet streets and at least reasonable infrastructure. Any one of those things would be a decent substitute for a measly old wife, so you can probably understand his quandary. Regardless, he is coming back to India with me and I booked his ticket right away before he could change his mind!

Indian Shower

No, not rain shower, not the kind that involves shampoo and soap, but the kind that we in the US give to celebrate big events like marriages and births. As far as I can tell, what has been come to be known as the modern baby shower is a purely American invention. When I mentioned to my French friend that we were throwing a shower for my friend and colleague Debleena he looked at me like I was crazy. Even after I explained the concept of a shower he still didn't think that there was an equivalent, at least in France. Then again though, this is the same fellow who, when I mentioned that we were having this party for Debleena looked at me and said, "Oh, she's pregnant?". By that time she was at least in her 7th month and it was pretty obvious that something was brewing beneath her kurta. He explained his ignorance by pointing out to me that he had to change the way in which he looked at Indian women, ONLY in the face. But that's a post for another day... Not surprisingly the baby shower is also unheard of in India (at least in most of India). There are some ceremonies that are held prior to the birth of the baby, mostly for the purpose of ensuring the health of the mother and the fetus. One of the most common is the valaikappu, also known as the bangle ceremony, a Hindu ritual for a mother-to-be. It is usually held in the 7th or 9th month of pregnancy and is a time when family and friends gather to convey their best wishes to the soon-to-be mom and dad. Usually the big difference between the American baby shower and almost all Indian pre-birth rituals is that it is considered unlucky to give gifts to the baby before its birth so any gifts presented in Indian rituals are for the mother-to-be.

When I presented the idea of a baby shower to Debleena and explained what it is she was happy to be the guest of honor and didn't mind receiving gifts for the baby before its birth. So last Saturday a small group of us gathered and had our own littler version of a baby shower here in Bangalore. We had gone shopping for gifts for the baby and after a nice lunch watched as Debleena opened up her first gifts for her new addition. Since it is considered bad luck to get things for the baby before the baby is born, she and her husband didn't have a single thing for their new charge. No clothes, no diapers, no car seat, no bottles, NOTHING! This is something that I find so strange, but it is the way of life here. In fact, when we went to pick out things for the baby at the shop the salespeople were slightly confused when we couldn't tell them that we didn't know the sex of the baby that we were shopping for. As far as they were concerned, if we were shopping for a baby, then the baby must already be born! The shower was good fun and Debleena received a few gifts that will hopefully come in handy in June when the baby is due. Congratulations Debleena!

Isn't Debleena too cute?

Oooooohhh, tiny fingernail clippers are so sweet!

GH lab ladies gathered to wish Debleena all the best (from left to right: Neha, Shantala, Debleena, Nisha, me, Gayatri and Mamta)!

What a cute little shirt for the new baby!

What could they all be??

Summer Colors

After long last I am posting some pics of the jubilant colors that can be seen in and around Bangalore in the summer. I have no idea as to the names of most of these, but enjoy nonetheless!

The road leading into the NCBS campus is flanked by mango orchards and some really beautiful flowering trees.

There is bougainvillea everywhere, here is some inside of the NCBS campus.

A lovely clump of red flowers on a flowering tree.

More bougainvillea.

Mango trees!

No leaves on this one, but some lovely orange blooms.

So many jackfruits!

More beautiful blooms, this time in purple.