Top Ten Reasons that I Never Want to See My Mom's Friend Again

After nearly three weeks of tolerating the most horrible human in the entire world I need to vent. My Mom and her friend came to Bangalore to have some elective surgeries done and I have been hosting both of them at my home and I am nearly ready to kill this woman. These are some of the reasons why and are in no particular order.

1. She is a hypochondriac. She claims to be allergic to cats (she has shown no symptoms when it comes to my cats) and has belly-ached about everything ranging from nausea to diarrhea to headaches. Nearly every single day she has claimed to be suffering from some ailment.

2. She is a compulsive over-exaggerator and pity-seeker. She has repeatedly claimed that she has not slept all night when I know that she had because I have seen her sleeping and heard her snoring.

3. She is a drug addict. She needs a pill for EVERYTHING. Can't sleep (even though she is sleeping), give me a pill. Headache, pill. Nausea, pill. Pain, pill. There isn't a pill invented that she doesn't want.

4. She is a prototypical American that the rest of the world loves to hate. Loud, crude, self-centered and ignorant. She loved to go into detail about the hugeness of her daughter's boobs to any poor Indian sales-girl that she caught. She doesn't know the meaning of tact and doesn't know how to behave appropriately.

5. She is selfish. If she sees something she wants she has no problem taking it for herself. I took her shopping at a shop that I have been to many times and I know the owners. We were looking at scarves and I mentioned that I would like to pick one for myself and I went on to chat with the shopkeeper for some time and when I turned around she had already bought all of the scarves (except for the 2 ugliest) for herself.

6. She always prefaces a favor with the phrase, "I hate to ask you, but...). If you hate to ask me then don't.

7. She has no respect for this culture or these people but expects them to respect her. She gets angry when people stare at us (this happens often in India because foreigners are not that common and people are just curious) but when I pointed out to her that she wants to take photographs of random people on the street because they are as different to us as we are to them she failed to see the similarity.

8. She is rude. She has not learned how to use please and thank you properly.

9. She is shallow. She claims to love my cat Mira because she is so beautiful and can't shut up about her but hardly acknowledges my baby, Chaya, because she isn't as beautiful. This makes me want to punch her in the face.

10. She calls her husband "Daddy". As in, "I miss my Daddy." Blech.

I could go on, trust me but I won't. I just needed to vent a bit. I feel better. Thanks.